On my husband's birthday I decided to be a good little wifey and get up early to make him one of his favorite breakfasty items: blueberry muffins. Having no blueberry muffin recipe of my own, I turned to the internet, where I found several recipes labeled their authors' favorite. One of them said something to the effect of "all of my houseguests are amazed at how fantastically delicious these muffins are". That sounded good to me, so I decided to make them. BAD IDEA.
First of all, this recipe called for cornmeal. Odd, I thought. But, hey, people put raisins in their meatballs, so who am I to judge? (By the way, if you put raisins in your meatballs, never make meatballs for me. That is a crime against nature.) I should have listened to myself. Once the batter was almost completely mixed, it had the consistency not of batter, but of polenta that had been kneaded on the beach- in the sand. However, there was still one more ingredient to add: three tablespoons of melted butter. Because that was somehow going to save this crap. However, I, being utterly brilliant, decided to substitute the butter for sour cream, because I read over and over that "the secret to great blueberry muffins is sour cream". Oh, okay. Sour cream I shall use! I figured it would be akin to substituting applesauce for oil in cookies- not that I've ever done that, but I've heard about it. Once the sour cream was mixed in, the "batter" still looked questionable at best, but I thought that perhaps somehow the baking process would save this train wreck. WRONG.
To say that they were gross would be generous. These things were nasty. Like dry, mealy cornbread with blueberries. A complete waste. My husband offered that if you put "a ton of butter" on them, they "weren't horrible". This man eats a "salad" made of lettuce, cheese, oil and huge amounts of vinegar. And he's saying they're not good. Yeah. Needless to say, I made a trip to the bakery that morning.
So if you find a muffin recipe with cornmeal in it, put it away. Do not cross go. Trust me, if you knew what I was saving you from, you'd thank me later.